tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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