first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
