it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
