Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
