I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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