oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
