i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
