sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
