But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
