I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
