I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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