i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
