my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
