i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
