Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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