watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
