thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
