the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
