I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
