THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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