i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
