Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
