Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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