your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
