That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
