well you can't waste a boner
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
