you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
