Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I did not marry a roomba.
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