no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
