my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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