Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
