Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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