we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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