and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
