Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
