When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
