That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
