I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
