I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
