took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I have peed in a lot of sinks
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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