So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
