tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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