And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
