It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
