i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
