I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
