did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
In other news, I just burned my penis
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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