I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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