Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
