So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
