I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
