If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
