I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
